I just finished reading “Recipes from the Dump” by Abigail Stone. Written in stream-of-consciousness form, it parodies cooking novels. I’m really not sure why I kept reading about the every day ponderings of a fictional single mom. Her fixation on catching a man got old after a while. The book did, however, challenge me to write a few “recipes” of my own.
For a taste of my life recently, try a few of the following dishes:
This first recipe comes from the first few months of living in a new location, with husband busy at a new job and teenage son far away as a volunteer camp counselor for the summer. Two extremely extroverted people (mother and daughter) who can’t figure out where and how to find new friends resulted in this stew.
(best made on a gray, rainy day, a week of rain is even better)
2 large onions, chopped
3 cups root vegetables, chopped
3 cups sorrel leaves
6 cups chicken broth
3 Tbsp hot sauce
2 cups, coarsely ripped chunks of stale bread
Lightly sauté vegetables in a large kettle: onions to make you cry and root vegetables to remind you of your life having been pulled up by the roots. Stir in sorrel leaves to add bitterness and sorrow to the soup. Pour chicken broth into the kettle and bring to a simmer, letting your fears and doubts seep into all crevices of the soup. Add a burning taste with the hot sauce, enough to bring more tears to your eyes.
Serve in a shallow bowl over chunks of stale bread, memories left over from better days.
Overgrown Chop Salad
This next recipe is a necessary dish to prepare when you buy a house that has not been well maintained due to degenerative health problems of the previous owner.
OVERGROWN CHOP SALAD
2 lines of overgrown hedgerows along the lot lines
1 semi-circle of bushes overwhelming a brick wall
5 trees, out of control
3 predatory woody vines, woven throughout other bushes
House Gutters full of tree seedlings
Spend hours and hours over a number of weeks, chopping out overgrown branches, hedges, brush, and trees. Make a huge pile in the driveway, larger than your vehicles and higher than the eaves on the garage. Scoop handfuls of tree seedlings out of the gutters and toss onto the pile for extra spice. Let rest for a few more days for all the flavors to blend.
Rent a wood chipper and run all the woody branches through the grinder. Don’t forget to wear gloves to protect your hands!
Carefully shovel chopped bits onto exposed dirt areas under the hedgerows to prevent weed growth. Come back inside and enjoy a tall, cold one after all your labors.
Color Crunch (main dish)
Color Crunch (main dish)
As a main course, consider fixing the following recipe. It can be altered as needed, based on ingredients you have on hand.
COLOR CRUNCH WITH A SIDE OF CHAOS
1 brick wall (can substitute a sidewalk or driveway)
1 package of new sidewalk chalk in a wide variety of colors
(my daughter informed me the 4 pack would never do)
2-5 noisy preteen neighbor girls
Wait for sunny weather. This dish doesn’t work well on gray, rainy days.
Mix noisy girls with colorful chalk. Allow them to smear the chalk all over the bricks, making interesting patterns and color mixes. Step back from time to time to enjoy the mess. Add in dancing and MP3 music if desired.
If the mixing process is too noisy for you, consider wearing earplugs or hiding inside. (Pre-teen laughter CAN be loud and rambunctious!)
Add a side of bicycles thrown in the yard where they came to a screeching stop as the gathering started.
Principle Ingredient of Nostalgia Pie
As you start to make friends and feel more “at home” in your new neighborhood, you might still find some of the following dessert in the back of your frig.
1 crust made of photos, cards, and scrapbook pages
Several text conversations between old friends
2-3 invitations to parties being held in your old stomping grounds on the other side of the country
1-2 phone conversations with old friends
Tears, to bring out the flavors
Dig through packed boxes to uncover mementoes from previous location. Mix together photos, cards and scrapbook pages into a thick crust to hold the pie filling.
Use your phone for text and voice conversations with old friends. Listen to activities you are missing and reminisce about past fun had together.
Receive invitations for events you can not possibly attend, some with expressed regrets for your absence.
Mix filling. Layer on top of crust. Sprinkle with tears. Set aside for flavors to blend. (Warning: gray, rainy days deepen the bitterness and strong flavors of this pie, especially when previous home was in a bright, sunny desert location!)
When you think all traces of this pie are finished, you might well find more pieces buried in the back of your frig…
Finally, as you begin to adjust to your new life in your new home in your new location, consider finishing this meal with a cup of coffee, best shared with a new friend.
Take time to check out the various gathering places in your new town. Share a cup of coffee with the people you find there. Suggested places to visit: local church, home group for said church, women’s group, local swimming pool, variety of neighborhood coffee shops, home-town library branch, and more. In addition to a cup of coffee, share pastries or other treats for extra sweetness.
Hopefully you enjoyed reading these recipes I have been cooking for the past few months. What’s cooking in your life right now?